It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year… Isn’t It?

By Professor Fay Short

Christmas is supposed to be magical, or at least that is what we are told. The lights go up, the music starts playing, and suddenly the world seems to expect us to feel festive. We are surrounded by images of happy families, beautiful homes, laughter, togetherness, and joy. Sometimes Christmas really does feel like that. There can be something wonderfully comforting about familiar traditions, favourite films, the smell of Christmas dinner, or simply having an excuse to spend time with people who matter to us. For many, Christmas offers a pause from ordinary life and a chance to reconnect and make memories.

But Christmas can also be complicated, and for some people it is one of the most difficult times of the year. It has a strange way of magnifying things. When life is going well, the celebrations can make happiness feel brighter, but when we are struggling, the expectation of happiness can make difficult feelings seem heavier. Grief can feel particularly sharp. An empty chair at the table becomes more noticeable, and a familiar tradition can suddenly feel completely different when somebody is no longer there to share it. You might find yourself laughing one moment and overwhelmed by sadness the next.

Christmas can also make change painfully visible. This may be your first Christmas following a bereavement, separation, illness, or another significant change in your life. Sometimes the person we miss is still alive, but the relationship has changed. Families become estranged, children grow up, relationships end, and people move away. Traditions that once felt permanent can suddenly look very different, leaving us wondering what Christmas is supposed to look like now.

There is also pressure surrounding the festive season. We can become caught up in trying to create the right Christmas, while balancing social commitments, family expectations, financial pressures, and the demands of everyday life. For anyone already experiencing anxiety, low mood, burnout, or financial worries, this can feel exhausting. Christmas often brings families together for longer than usual too, which can be wonderful, but it can also bring old tensions and familiar family roles back to the surface. You might be a confident, capable adult for most of the year and then find yourself around the Christmas table feeling fourteen again. That does not mean you have gone backwards. Some relationships simply reconnect us very quickly with earlier versions of ourselves.

So how can we look after ourselves during the festive season? Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that there is no correct way to feel at Christmas. You can love Christmas and still find parts of it difficult. Happiness can sit alongside sadness, and enjoying yourself does not mean you have stopped missing somebody. You may want company one day and quiet the next. Try not to judge yourself for failing to feel the way you think you should feel. Emotions do not follow the calendar, and you do not have to be happy simply because it is Christmas.

Giving yourself permission to say no can also make a real difference. December can quickly fill with invitations and obligations, but you do not have to accept them all. Before saying yes automatically, consider whether you genuinely want to go and whether you have the energy for it. Protecting your wellbeing might mean declining an invitation, leaving a gathering earlier than planned, or choosing a quiet evening at home. Boundaries do not stop being important because somebody has put tinsel around them.

If family relationships are difficult, thinking ahead can help. You might decide how long you want to stay or give yourself permission to take some space if things become overwhelming. You are allowed to protect your peace, even at Christmas. The same applies to your physical wellbeing. When life becomes busy, basic self-care is often the first thing we abandon. Eating regularly, getting enough rest, spending some time outside, and creating small moments when nothing is required of you can provide a foundation for managing emotional demands. Rest does not need to be earned.

If Christmas has changed, you are also allowed to do things differently. Trying to recreate exactly what came before can sometimes make an absence feel even greater. A new tradition can acknowledge that life has changed without erasing what mattered before. If you are grieving, you may want to find a simple way to include the person you have lost in your celebrations. Remembrance and celebration can sit beside each other.

Christmas can be particularly painful when you feel alone, and loneliness is not simply about being physically alone. It is entirely possible to sit in a room full of people and feel profoundly lonely. If you are struggling, try to tell someone. You do not need to wait until things become unbearable or find the perfect words. Sometimes saying, “I am finding things a bit difficult at the moment” is enough to begin. If there is nobody in your personal life you feel able to speak to, professional support can provide somewhere to talk openly without having to pretend that everything is fine.

At Phase Counselling, we talk a lot about the different phases of life, and Christmas is one of them. For some, this Christmas will be full of excitement and celebration. For others, it will be something to get through. For many of us, it will contain both joyful and difficult moments. Whatever Christmas looks like for you, your experience does not have to match anybody else’s. You do not need to create a perfect Christmas or keep everyone else happy at the expense of yourself.

Take care of yourself, make room for whatever you are feeling, reach out when you need support, and notice the moments that feel good when they come. Remember that, like every other season of our lives, this too is a phase.

From all of us at Phase Counselling, we wish you a peaceful Christmas, with moments of warmth, connection, and hope, whatever this festive season may bring.